My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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