I just saw a hot homeless man
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We were destined to go to rehab together
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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