That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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