My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
