if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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