Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
