There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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