Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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