hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
