Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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