if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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