Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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