hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
