I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash