i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...