she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.