i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i am craving dick and cupcakes