If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.