As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse