The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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