i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i've created a new STD.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
