Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
