oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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