Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
