i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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