was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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