? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Come see our sink grown plant.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
