I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
