If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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