At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
