This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
