oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
PANTIES FOUND
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