Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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