my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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