Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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