I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
