I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
