dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
