why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he puts the penis in happiness.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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