chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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