Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize