His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
