one might say we're banned from that church
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
