the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
