Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
