Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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