We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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