So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
