i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
