so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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