would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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