Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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