its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
