Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
