I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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