I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
