Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
