I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
