I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
