Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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