tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
