do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
