she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize