You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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