Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
