If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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