You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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