I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
