When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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