you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
