My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
