You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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