So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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