You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
