Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its not stalking. its research.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
