Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
