Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
