Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We are all done wearing pants today
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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