i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
