since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
