If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
