I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
