found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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