I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
