yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
