It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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