I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
