Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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